Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
