I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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