I think I died a long time ago.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize