why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
