Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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