She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
