Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
