dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
