If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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