I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
