It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
