We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
