Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
