I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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