So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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