I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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