end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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