I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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