To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize