He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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