I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Randomize
