but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize