break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize