Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
im six kinds of drunk right now
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
