Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
