we're blogging at a bar
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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