i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
