do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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