My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
being pregnant is like rehab
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
