hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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