What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
