you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
