Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
