I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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