The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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