Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize