chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
