It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
