The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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