dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
