my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
