I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I had to cum in my sink.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
