Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
