Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
