Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
