I like to think it a success when the cops are called
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
