He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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