he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
