I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
