Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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