Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The uberlube is also flammable
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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