yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
