Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Is Oprah even human
Randomize
