Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize