We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My balls are so social today.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
