OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
