My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
