once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize