Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
