He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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