i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you didnt know i had herpes?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
