try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Is it because I queefed?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
