I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
