...so i touched it.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
