I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
