She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
